Ellen Hankes

Separation Anxiety Can Lead to Separation Reality

 "I would like to take my child to visit my parents' home but it is impossible with all Mom's stuff."

"We would love to have holiday gatherings at Mom's house the way we used to, but there is not room."

These kinds of statements are frequently expressed by adult children of the chronically disorganized. Young adults often share with me their frustration about not being able to visit their parents with their children or significant others because of the clutter.

The chronically disorganized and those who have hoarding behaviors often have a high level of anxiety as others attempt to separate them from their belongings. The persistent anxiety can lead to real and prolonged separation within families and friendships. At a time when an individual most needs the support of family and friends, these loved ones often find the high level of clutter difficult, if not impossible, to tolerate.

While the family I grew up in did not experience separation because of organizational issues, I do receive calls from children of hoarders who are quite concerned about their parents' chronic disorganization. While the solutions are complex and take time, we continue to serve the families that want to make changes. By finding ways to reduce the anxiety of reducing household goods, we hope to help individuals reconnect with their loved ones.

Do you have a story on how separation anxiety has lead to separation reality? I would like to hear from you. 

How Long To Maintain Medical Papers?

Wendy in Iowa asked a great question about medical records. Here is her question:

How long do you retain medical papers? I usually get some kind of paper at the office, and then claims from the insurance company, and then bill from the doctors office. I match these all together and pay the remainder that insurance doesn't cover. So, how long should I keep it for? NOTE: We do not itemize our taxes.

Thanks, Wendy, for your excellent question. While the rule of thumb is to keep medical papers for three years, there are several additional things to consider. If the health condition is a chronic one, retain medical documents for three years after the chronic condition is resolved. Health records such as immunizations should be kept indefinitely. If in the future, your medical expenses are itemized on tax returns, retain these tax-related documents for at least seven years.

My personal method is to retain all such records for ten years. The math is easy: In 2010 I destroy the records from the year 2000. Anything related to long term purchases or tax materials is retained separately and stored indefinitely. Chronically disorganized individuals will find the use of open bins and color filing materials helpful in managing the multiude of papers.

Destroy any personal records in a secure way such as shredding.

Review the Record Retention Guidelines 101 at Smead Organomics for information on a wide array of household record retention information.

Why Depression and Organizing Challenges Are Linked

 It is not unusual for a chronically disorganized individual to tell me that he or she is affected by major depression. Why might that occur?

Symptoms of depression can include indecisiveness and distractibility, according to MayoClinic.com. Since organizing requires making decisions about where things should go, whether to keep or recycle items and how to categorize material, indecisiveness is a roadblock in effective organization.

Staying on task and keeping with an organizing project can be very difficult, or impossible, for a person who is easily distracted. The fatigue that may go along with major depression is also a detriment to organizing. The depressed person may not be able to muster up the energy to get started organizing and may find the energy required to keep the momentum going on their own just too overwhelming!

While mental health professionals are the best source of mental health counseling and treatment, the individual who is affected by both depression and disorganization may well benefit from working with a professional organizer who has experience and training in working with the chronically disorganized.

Have you observed a link between depression and disorganization? I would like to hear from you.

Organizing Cues from Mother Nature

The outdoors is a wonderful place to pick up organizing inspiration. During our walk along the Wabash Trace this weekend,weI found a bench to sit and talk. As I looked out upon the early morning view, I thought about the cues that Mother Nature gives us about organizing our living spaces.

Leave room for change. Over time our interests change. If we fill our space with so much of the past, there is no room for the future.

Accept stewardship. Having more than we can take care of in a responsible manner means we have not accepted stewardship of those things.

Simple is good. Simple lives have fewer parts and pieces. Without the complexity and multiplicity of thing overload, peace and serenity can emerge and shine.

What are some of the organizing messages that Mother Nature presents to you? I would like to hear your thoughts.

Hoarding: Urban and Rural Considerations

 Compulsive hoarding knows no boundaries with gender, intellect or socio-economic level. What about city living when compared with rural residence? We had an interesting question about hoarding in rural areas at a a recent Elder Rights Symposium where I spoke on "Working with Clients Who Hoard."

Is there a difference between intercity hoarding and rural hoarding?

Hoarding behavior is characterized by the accumulation of a large amount of possessions, many of which appear to be of little value; non-functioning living spaces due to extreme clutter; and a significant amount of distress associated with the clutter. These characteristics are found in both urban and rural homes of hoarders.

Hoarders in rural areas have considerably less access to vital mental and physical health services, recycle material pick-up or collection points, as well as trained and qualified professional organizers. Urban areas generally have stricter codes and a higher density of neighbors who are impacted by those who hoard. There may be more outbuildings on rural property where the accumulation of clutter expands when a house can no longer accommodate it.

The process of helping a person with hoarding behaviors is very complex and involves far more than just "cleaning up." In a rural or urban area, planning and teamwork will be required to bring about effective change in a hoarding situation.

The Secret Lives of Objects

Why do we keep the things we hold onto? Rubber bands, high school graduation programs, rusty pliers, an odd plate? It is fascinating to explore why we keep certain things but don't care too much about other things. 

Keepsakes have special lives, and often sacred, secret lives. Sometimes these keepsakes are kept in boxes or in dark cupboards where they rarely, if ever, see the light of day. While at times the keepsakes may have monetary value, often the items are kept for sentimental reasons.

Artist Corrine Botz is teaming up with the National Study Group on Chronic Disorganization to create an art project titled "The Secret Lives of Objects."I am excited to be working with an individual who contributed some items she had kept for a long time. The brief story of the significance of the item in her life is touching, like good stories can be. You can read my client's story and a number of others at the Secret Lives of Objects website. New life is already springing from these once-cherished items.

We look forward to seeing the variety of objects as this project advances. It may be concert tickets, a pair of gloves, a plate, or something else that comes with a story. 

Have you, or someone else, looked at your belongings as art? I would like to hear from you.

Churning the Clutter

  While going through a pile of clutter, Gwen picked up a magazine. Remembering that there was an article in the magazine she wanted to finish reading, Gwen laid the magazine aside. The next item was a month--old grocery list with a phone number jotted next to the word bananas. Since Gwen thought it might be an important phone number, she laid the grocery list on the table. As Gwen considered item after item she found herself just rearranging the clutter.

Churning is the term for the act of moving one item to another without discarding any item. At the same time, no system of organizing these things is established. This behavior is observed in those who are compulsive hoarders.

There may not be space to put things when many spaces are occupied with more clutter. The individual may have difficulty categorizing like things or making decisions about items. The process of removing a large amount of clutter can be overwhelming. When churning occurs, there is little noticeable improvement which can be very discouraging both to the individual with hoarding behavior and those that are attempting to help.

Have you observed churning in yourself or someone else? I would like to hear about your experience.

The Other Side of Organized

One of the hallmark characteristics of chronic disorganization is the multiple, and yet unsuccessful, self-attempts to get organized. WIth my specialty of helping the chronically disorganized individual improve their quality of life through organization, I often find these clients have an extensive (and enviable) library of how-to-organize books. If you are chronically disorganized, or work or live with someone who is organizationally challenged, you will want to read The Other Side of Organized: Finding Balance Between Chaos and Perfection (Oh, so Publishing, 2009) by Linda  Samuels, CPO-CD©. It is a slim book of wisdomm presented in brief topics which lead the reader into a self-introspection of one's relationship to things.

While the animal-lover will enjoy the connection to the cartoons featuring the author's beloved black lab, Norton, the strength of Ms. Samuels' book is the underlying multiple reminders of the rewards of organization. When you read about perfect spring days, connecting with your loved ones, rejuvenation and self-care, you will better understand what Ms. Samuels refers to as the other side of being organized.

With acknowledgment that change comes only when people are ready to change, Samuels devotes an entire chapter to helping the reader understand the change process. The chapter on change will be valuable not only for the chronically disorganized but also for those who love them, work with them and live with them. Samuels sums up change in the following way:

When people are ready they change. Their initiative and desire must come from within. When the pain to stay the same becomes greater than the fear of the unknown, change occurs.

Included is the caveat that change is a forward as well as a backward process. You will read about the five phases of change which include Initial Rumblings, Identifying Possibilities, Reaching Out, Beyond Talking and Life Jolts. While these phases are described in the book, they can also be found in the free Readiness of Change Fact Sheet authored by Ms. Samuels and available from the National Study Group on Chronic Disorganization.

This book is a real gem for anyone who wants to live a fuller life. Linda Samuels and her pal Norton take us through the seasons of life that we all experience. While Ms. Samuels shares her personal stories in the Other Side of Organized, this book will help you shape your stories of life.

Grammar is a Key to Success

While grammar may not be your favorite subject, it could be your secret key to success. Of course, use of proper grammar while speaking and writing helps you become a more effective communicator.

Look at your TO DO list. Does each entry start with a verb? A verb is a part of speech that indicates action will take place. By the very act of starting an item on your TO DO list with a verb such as Pay, Write or Create, you are specific about your action plan. Add more information such as when you will do the task to help you plan.

Verbs are helpful when delegating tasks as well. It creates specificity and helps others to better understand what needs to be done. Tasks can be broken down into smaller parts using verbs as the initial words of the subtask. This is a recommendation we often give to individuals who are chronically disorganized as well as to students. However, it can work for anyone.

Use verbs on your TO DO list this week. Comment to this post on the results. I would like to hear from you!

Help Conquer CyberOverload

A new book by Your Mind on Media founder and self-described “recovering cyber-addict” Joanne Cantor, PhD, provides insightful and valuable strategies for living and working in today’s media rich world. Conquer CyberOverload: Get More Done, Boost Your Creativity, and Reduce Stress goes a step further than many books by describing in lay language how the brain, and thus our behavior, is affected by the constant barrage of media in our everyday lives. According to Census Bureau statistics, Americans consume 8.5 hours of media (television, internet, radio and more) each day outside of work.

Given the incredible drain on time that media causes, it is no wonder that multi-tasking is needed. Cantor devotes one whole chapter to convincingly explaining why multi-tasking is counter-productive. If we were handwriting a letter or document, we would never think of writing one word with a pencil, and the next word with a pen, continuing to alternate tools until the letter was finished. This is similar to what we ask the brain to do when we attempt to multi-task. The brain has to switch back and forth between the two tasks. Multi-tasking is inefficient, time-consuming and error-prone.

 
This easy-to-read book is full of convincing ways to deal with cyberoverload with sound life-balance principles. While each strategy is explained in easy-to-understand language, each chapter ends with a bulleted list of Practical Steps. With additional features such as quotes and statistics, glossary, index and resource list, the book appeals to various learning styles.

 
As a professional organizer specializing in chronic disorganization, I observe people in their work and home environments who are affected by the time constraints and stress of cyberoverload. In addition, some individuals have physical space issues related to electronic gadgetry. Outdated and unused computer hardware, obsolete software boxes and other unused media-related equipment and supplies takes up valuable space. We have become adept at learning to use the media of the moment, but the obsolete or seldom used media may be relegated to a growing clutter and disposal problem.

Are you affected by cyberoverload? I would like to hear from you.