Recently I read David Solie's fascinating book How To Say It to Seniors: Closing the Communications Gap With Our Elders. What he had to say about how we communicate with senior citizens is valuable reading for anyone has older family members, friends, co-workers or clients. Elders who are struggling to find their voice as a senior member of today's American society will find in this book a level of understanding not readily identified elsewhere.
The need to maintain control over the multitude of physical and life changes and the simultaneous need to discover a legacy is what drives our elders in this society according to Solie. His book is full of examples of how we, as middle-agers, tend to direct communication with older people according to our needs as opposed to truly listening to the older generation. While there are certainly changes in the physical bodies of aging people, a corresponding mental disability is simply not a reality.
As an organizer, I often get questions from adult children who are concerned about a parent's ability to maintain a too-large home. The two generations find it difficult to discuss and address next steps. Keep reading for how we can communicate in a way that helps our elders maintain control and perhaps discover a legacy.
Here's some ways we can effectively communicate with our elders:
- Listen. Just as location, location and location is important to the real estate business, we need to be prepared to listen, listen and listen. Stories that are told repeatedly are serving to reaffirm values of the older person.
- Observe what is not said. There may be a better time or place to hear, as Paul Harvey says, the rest of the story.
- Show you value opinions of elders by asking questions. People who have celebrated many birthdays have the vantage point of valuable life experiences. We miss out when we do not access that valuable asset.
- Make suggestions that will enable the elder to maintain dignity and respect their choices.
- Respect the value system and rich experience of an elder. Remember an elder has a different vantage point in life than a younger person. Different perspectives reveal different solutions to life issues.
- Be patient. Younger generations operate with an urgency that is often not conducive to an elder's needs.
A professional organizer is a non-judgemental, neutral non-family member that can be of help in working through issues of an elder's lifestyle changes. To better serve my elderly clients I have earned a Certificate of Study in Understanding the Needs of Working with the Elderly Clients from the National Study Group on Chronic Disorganization.
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