Holiday Discussions Turn to Loved One Who Hoards

The holiday meal is enjoyed by several generations from tots to teenagers to seniors. Relatives have a chance to visit and catch up on family news. For some families it is a gathering to share ideas on how to help family members who are hoarders.

It is estimated in the United States that there are as many as three million hoarders. These individuals may look, talk, work and appear like any other person. They also may be individuals who have isolated themselves socially and are at great risk from a health and safety standpoint. Extreme clutter in the living space is likely to be a great concern of family and friends even if the loved one who hoards shows little or no concern.

Families who gather at the holidays may take the opportunity to develop a plan to address the adverse hoarding condition in which their loved one lives. The very first step should be reading Digging Out: Helping Your Loved One Manage Clutter, Hoarding & Compulsive Acquiring. This book will give you insight into the changes family members may need to make as well as provide a greater understanding of what your loved one is experiencing. This is more than a how-to book and contains numerous tips and checklists to find solutions through a harm-reduction approach.

How has your family or friendship circle worked together to help a loved one? We would like to hear from you!

Comments

[Holly]

Thank you, Ellen, for bringing this issue up now, as I think the holidays are difficult for many people, especially hoarders. I am the adult child of a hoarder and have been working to help my parents face their hoarding problem since 2002. I have been gathering information since then and have had some success presenting it to my parents with the outcome of slow but significant progress. I am glad that you stress here the commitment in time and energy it takes to tackle decades of built-up clutter: quick-fixes do not often address the underlying problems and therefore do not work for long.

I live 700 miles away from my aging parents, who are in their seventies, and often the only time I can check up on them is when I am visiting for the holidays. So, the holidays have been a typical time to talk about the house and their physical, mental and financial health. Everyone is now used to this, and know not to sacrifice ALL family fun for these serious discussions; we always have some fun together.

This year I my visit will be after Thanksgiving and before the Christmas holidays, and their house has gotten bad again. My parents and I have already planned to meet once, in the cluttered house, to talk about what to do. We hope to find a local professional (a therapist and/or Professional Organizer with understanding of hoarding) who will be present to assess the current situation and help us formulate a plan to increase the safety and quality of their home life. I plan to use the visual clutter-hoarding scale and see how everyone present rates the house and start there.

I understand that progress happens in small, persistent steps. My parents were able to get to counseling and sell a hoarded property in 2007 by taking things one step at a time. They maintained a good level of function for over a year.

Treating hoarding, however, is a lifelong proecess, and if one solution isn't working it is time to try another. It is time to encourage them to again make some changes so that the hoarding doesn't take over. Wish me luck!

Thank you again for posting this information in such a positive, consistent, and easy-to-read way. It gives me hope that people who live with hoarding can get help and live better lives.

Holly
Austin, TX

[Ellen Hankes]

Thank you, Holly, for your insightful and poignant story as a child of loved ones who hoard. Your courageous story inspires us all!