Challenging Disorganization and Hoarding Expert Ellen Hankes

Our Loved One is a Hoarder: Holidays on Hold

"My family and I would like to celebrate holidays like we used to enjoy. We can't because our grandma (or mom or dad) is a hoarder. There is not enough room to sit. We couldn't even begin to think about having a meal there. We used to have such good times and I want to bring our family back together again."

As a professional organizer who specializes in working with hoarders, I frequently receive calls from grandchildren and children who desperately want to bring back the family gatherings of their childhood memories. As these young people describe the hoarding behaviors of their relative, I hear anger and frustration in their voices. There is a sincere desire to help their loved one and a willingness to do whatever it takes on their part to bring about change.

Here are some considerations for the younger generation seeking help for older family members with hoarding behaviors:

Does the individual want to change? Frequently, life has gone on in this manner for possibly decades. Change is difficult at any age, and may be impossible if there is not a sincere desire to change behaviors and habits.

How is the mental and physical health of the individual?Health status, both mental and physical, can greatly affect how one makes decisions about their living environment.

Are health and safety of the household occupants compromised because of the hoarding? In addition to physical hazards such as excess clutter, don't overlook blocked heating ducts, loose papers near cooking heat and expired medication.

What attempts to change have been made in the past and what was the outcome? Be aware that however well-intentioned, "clean-outs" are rarely the long-term answer to hoarding. Attention to acquisition behaviors, beliefs and attitudes, difficulty in discarding and decision-making are vital to the change process.

I encourage your family to learn more about the complex behavior of hoarding. Find competent professionals that can be part of a team that includes the loved one who hoards.

If your family has a loved one who hoards, how have you addressed it?

Sizzling Hot Organizing Tips

Heat wave! The soaring temperatures have been challenging for many people this summer. My vehicle thermomember registered 103 degrees as I was out and about. That is a very warm day, my friends.

Is it too hot to get a back-to-school study or project area organized? How about tackling a long-neglected closet? Here are some things that you can do to manage your organizing project during these hot, steamy days:

• Schedule a manageable amount of work. Whether it is 10 minutes a day or an hour each Saturday monring, organizing in chunks of defined time will be helpful.
• Match the organzing task to an appropriate time of day. For example, if you are a morning person, sitting and going through papers may or may not appeal to you. You may prefer something more physically active such as organizing the garage. On the other hand, if the paper sorting requires fresh brain-power, morning may be be best tie for that chore.
• Complete the task. Drop off the GoodWIll or other charity contributions. Go to the local recycling center if you have more than curbside pickup will allow.
• Take care of yourself. Hydrate with plenty of water and take breaks as needed.
• Celebrate success. Reward your organizing diligence with a trip to the library or an icy treat.

What are your ideas for sizzling summer organizing? I would like to hear from you.

Gifts: Transfer of Ownership

 'Tis the season of generous gifts! The presents are carefully chosen with an eye on the constraints of the budget. We focus on choosing the perfect gift for a special relative, friend or colleague.

Whoa, hold the reindeer. Let's consider some fine points of receiving gifts.

A gift is a gift. There is a transfer of ownership. The gift is presented to another person who becomes the owner of that item. As I work with chronically disorganized individuals who are seeking to de-clutter and organize their living or work spaces, gifts can be items of conflict for them. The conversation often goes, "I would like to donate this to charity, but it was a gift from Aunt Char. It is not my color (size, style or ...) and I cannot use it."

With a gift comes a sentiment of affection or respect. While the physical gift stays with the recipient or moves on to another life, the sentiment can be remembered and appreciated. A true gift is far more than just a thing. A true gift is accompanied by good will. Of course it is important to consider a gift giver's feelings when accepting gifts and putting them to use. It is a fine line to walk, but remember that gift giving involves a transfer of ownership. Focus on relationships and not the things.

Merry Christmas. May you enjoy the gifts of love and friendship wherever you go during the New Year.

 

Holiday Discussions Turn to Loved One Who Hoards

The holiday meal is enjoyed by several generations from tots to teenagers to seniors. Relatives have a chance to visit and catch up on family news. For some families it is a gathering to share ideas on how to help family members who are hoarders.

It is estimated in the United States that there are as many as three million hoarders. These individuals may look, talk, work and appear like any other person. They also may be individuals who have isolated themselves socially and are at great risk from a health and safety standpoint. Extreme clutter in the living space is likely to be a great concern of family and friends even if the loved one who hoards shows little or no concern.

Families who gather at the holidays may take the opportunity to develop a plan to address the adverse hoarding condition in which their loved one lives. The very first step should be reading Digging Out: Helping Your Loved One Manage Clutter, Hoarding & Compulsive Acquiring. This book will give you insight into the changes family members may need to make as well as provide a greater understanding of what your loved one is experiencing. This is more than a how-to book and contains numerous tips and checklists to find solutions through a harm-reduction approach.

How has your family or friendship circle worked together to help a loved one? We would like to hear from you!

Have Fun for Better Work

May is such a busy month with many special occasions including Mother's Day and graduations. A special wedding trip is added to our family's month as well.

This is a good time to be planning how you will have some fun this summer. Whether you have a get-away vacation or a stay-at-home vacation, plan special activities or at least a change of scenery. When you return to work you will be energized and better able to focus on your priorities.

Don't forget to have fun! Even though this picture was taken years ago on a family vacation, I still remember the photographer telling the guys to look very stern while the girls were to smile. It's a great reminder of the fun we had that day in borrowed attire.

How does fun help you be more productive? I would like to hear from you.

All That Glitters

  Gold is a marvelous transitional color for holiday decorations. The richness of gold reflects the Thanksgiving spirit of thankfulness for abundance. The orange and yellow of fall decorations can be supplemented by gold hues to give a reflective sparkle.

Use the same gold items as a base for the Christmas decorations. You will save money, storage space and decorating time. If it suits you, gold hues can be part of your year-round decorating scheme.

When holiday decorations support and enhance the day-to-day decor of an office or home environment, the result will be an area that works for you!

What's your secret for streamlining holiday decorating?

One Little Secret for Big Holiday Enjoyment

As Christmas nears many busy people entertain thoughts of baking holiday goodies, visiting the brilliant neighborhood light displays and having the neighbors in for festive cheer. How can we squeeze more in an already full schedule?

Pick your holiday fun and the list goes on. And on and on. How do you you fit it all in?

Here is the secret to holiday happiness: choose the most meaningful activities and focus on them. Ask family members which holiday tradition is their favorite. It may be making the gingerbread house, going to the local holiday music fest, caroling at the neighbors or enjoying a glass of holiday cheer at home.

Include each family member's favorite in your holiday celebration and you will have a wonderful, memory-filled Christmas.

What are you doing to simplify your holiday celebration?

Passing On the Family Treasures

Sentimentality is a interesting emotion. Why are some people passionate about passing personal belongings from their generation to the next while other individuals do not feel it is important? For the sentimental person, the item can be a vehicle for attaching positive emotions associated with the item or the person who once used or owned it.

If a child's tea set is a way of remembering the good times when Lucy and her cousins played tea party, Lucy may be reluctant to give up the sea set some eighty years later. Parting with the tea set might be made easier if Lucy has a granddaughter who enjoys the tea party ritual as much as she Lucy once did. The transfer of ownership from one generation to another generation can take place with love and ceremony which in itself becomes a pleasurable memory.

What special things have you passed on to others? We would like to hear from you.

Celebrate Summer with a Sumptious Picnic

Summertime is a great time to plan a cool easy picnic. Everyone in the family can get involved. Think beyond your home and get your neighborhood or apartment building involved.

Picnics are great lessons in organizing. Kids can help with the planning and preparation. Preschool children can count out napkins, plates and other picnic supplies. Elementary age students can practice writing and planning skills by compiling shopping and other To Do lists.

Make a game of taking what you need to an off-site picnic without taking any more than you have to tote.

Some of the best parties are impromptu. Since picnics can be held at the park or the back yard, that is all part of the fun.

Do you have enough picnics in your life?

Organized & Entertaining--Part III

You have planned, prepared and pictured in your mind the festivities to entertain. Invitations were issued and the day is here!

To keep your cool, here are a few tips to remember on the day of the event.

• Work your plan. When the neighbors came over for supper on our deck last weekend, I consulted my written menu as i set out the food. That helped me remember, even in the midst of great conversation, what to put on the table. If you need to put things in the oven at a certain time or pick up a pizza, set a timer as a reminder.
• Keep hot foods hot and cold foods cold. Improvise as needed to create a cold zone for foods that need refrigeration. Use a larger container (even a child's swim pool) and fill with ice before setting the cold dishes in it. Two hours is the maximum time for food--hot or cold--to be out on a buffet.
• Ask for help. Most guests are willing to lend a hand. Don't wear yourself to a frazzle when there are others willing to help with last minute details as well as cleaning up!
• Have fun. Pretend you are a guest at your own party. Be part of the conversation and flow of the event.

If things don't go as smoothly as you would like on the day of the event, observe what could be changed the next time you entertain. Save your notes and lists from planning this event. Refer to them the next time you entertain.

What obstacles prevent you from entertaining? What are your tried and true strategies for successful parties? We would like to hear from you.