Challenging Disorganization and Hoarding Expert Ellen Hankes

Our Loved One is a Hoarder: Holidays on Hold

"My family and I would like to celebrate holidays like we used to enjoy. We can't because our grandma (or mom or dad) is a hoarder. There is not enough room to sit. We couldn't even begin to think about having a meal there. We used to have such good times and I want to bring our family back together again."

As a professional organizer who specializes in working with hoarders, I frequently receive calls from grandchildren and children who desperately want to bring back the family gatherings of their childhood memories. As these young people describe the hoarding behaviors of their relative, I hear anger and frustration in their voices. There is a sincere desire to help their loved one and a willingness to do whatever it takes on their part to bring about change.

Here are some considerations for the younger generation seeking help for older family members with hoarding behaviors:

Does the individual want to change? Frequently, life has gone on in this manner for possibly decades. Change is difficult at any age, and may be impossible if there is not a sincere desire to change behaviors and habits.

How is the mental and physical health of the individual?Health status, both mental and physical, can greatly affect how one makes decisions about their living environment.

Are health and safety of the household occupants compromised because of the hoarding? In addition to physical hazards such as excess clutter, don't overlook blocked heating ducts, loose papers near cooking heat and expired medication.

What attempts to change have been made in the past and what was the outcome? Be aware that however well-intentioned, "clean-outs" are rarely the long-term answer to hoarding. Attention to acquisition behaviors, beliefs and attitudes, difficulty in discarding and decision-making are vital to the change process.

I encourage your family to learn more about the complex behavior of hoarding. Find competent professionals that can be part of a team that includes the loved one who hoards.

If your family has a loved one who hoards, how have you addressed it?

Separation Anxiety Can Lead to Separation Reality

 "I would like to take my child to visit my parents' home but it is impossible with all Mom's stuff."

"We would love to have holiday gatherings at Mom's house the way we used to, but there is not room."

These kinds of statements are frequently expressed by adult children of the chronically disorganized. Young adults often share with me their frustration about not being able to visit their parents with their children or significant others because of the clutter.

The chronically disorganized and those who have hoarding behaviors often have a high level of anxiety as others attempt to separate them from their belongings. The persistent anxiety can lead to real and prolonged separation within families and friendships. At a time when an individual most needs the support of family and friends, these loved ones often find the high level of clutter difficult, if not impossible, to tolerate.

While the family I grew up in did not experience separation because of organizational issues, I do receive calls from children of hoarders who are quite concerned about their parents' chronic disorganization. While the solutions are complex and take time, we continue to serve the families that want to make changes. By finding ways to reduce the anxiety of reducing household goods, we hope to help individuals reconnect with their loved ones.

Do you have a story on how separation anxiety has lead to separation reality? I would like to hear from you. 

Organizing Cues from Mother Nature

The outdoors is a wonderful place to pick up organizing inspiration. During our walk along the Wabash Trace this weekend,weI found a bench to sit and talk. As I looked out upon the early morning view, I thought about the cues that Mother Nature gives us about organizing our living spaces.

Leave room for change. Over time our interests change. If we fill our space with so much of the past, there is no room for the future.

Accept stewardship. Having more than we can take care of in a responsible manner means we have not accepted stewardship of those things.

Simple is good. Simple lives have fewer parts and pieces. Without the complexity and multiplicity of thing overload, peace and serenity can emerge and shine.

What are some of the organizing messages that Mother Nature presents to you? I would like to hear your thoughts.

Grammar is a Key to Success

While grammar may not be your favorite subject, it could be your secret key to success. Of course, use of proper grammar while speaking and writing helps you become a more effective communicator.

Look at your TO DO list. Does each entry start with a verb? A verb is a part of speech that indicates action will take place. By the very act of starting an item on your TO DO list with a verb such as Pay, Write or Create, you are specific about your action plan. Add more information such as when you will do the task to help you plan.

Verbs are helpful when delegating tasks as well. It creates specificity and helps others to better understand what needs to be done. Tasks can be broken down into smaller parts using verbs as the initial words of the subtask. This is a recommendation we often give to individuals who are chronically disorganized as well as to students. However, it can work for anyone.

Use verbs on your TO DO list this week. Comment to this post on the results. I would like to hear from you!

Clutter and Depression

Which came first--clutter or depression? Clutter can lead to depression. A person who is depressed may be clutter-prone. 

Depression is the leading cause of disability with about 8% of the adult U.S. population having been diagnosed with depression. A person with a depressive disorder may exhibit a diminished ability to think, concentrate and make decisions. Add that to additional symptoms of fatigue and sluggishness and it is no wonder that chronic disorganization goes hand in hand with some people with diagnosed or undiagnosed depression.

When clutter becomes a issue for those who care about the clutter-prone individual, a common response is to get the clutterer to change his or her habits. That can lead to resistance and anger on the part of all involved. Here are some tips for family members who want to help the clutterer:

• Recognize that chronic disorganization is not a moral issue. A person who is clutter-prone is not a bad individual.S/he can be just as kind and caring as one who keeps a living or work area neat as a pin. People process information and use of space in different ways.
• Focus on good health habits such as rest, relaxation, exercise and a healthy diet. For a person with depression, healthy habits make the brain work better.
• Encourage appropriate support systems such as use of mental health professionals. Working with a qualified professional organizer can result in organization systems that match their unique learning and working styles.

How has depression impacted the chronic disorganization of your loved ones? I would like to hear your experiences!

Gifts: Transfer of Ownership

 'Tis the season of generous gifts! The presents are carefully chosen with an eye on the constraints of the budget. We focus on choosing the perfect gift for a special relative, friend or colleague.

Whoa, hold the reindeer. Let's consider some fine points of receiving gifts.

A gift is a gift. There is a transfer of ownership. The gift is presented to another person who becomes the owner of that item. As I work with chronically disorganized individuals who are seeking to de-clutter and organize their living or work spaces, gifts can be items of conflict for them. The conversation often goes, "I would like to donate this to charity, but it was a gift from Aunt Char. It is not my color (size, style or ...) and I cannot use it."

With a gift comes a sentiment of affection or respect. While the physical gift stays with the recipient or moves on to another life, the sentiment can be remembered and appreciated. A true gift is far more than just a thing. A true gift is accompanied by good will. Of course it is important to consider a gift giver's feelings when accepting gifts and putting them to use. It is a fine line to walk, but remember that gift giving involves a transfer of ownership. Focus on relationships and not the things.

Merry Christmas. May you enjoy the gifts of love and friendship wherever you go during the New Year.

 

Holiday Discussions Turn to Loved One Who Hoards

The holiday meal is enjoyed by several generations from tots to teenagers to seniors. Relatives have a chance to visit and catch up on family news. For some families it is a gathering to share ideas on how to help family members who are hoarders.

It is estimated in the United States that there are as many as three million hoarders. These individuals may look, talk, work and appear like any other person. They also may be individuals who have isolated themselves socially and are at great risk from a health and safety standpoint. Extreme clutter in the living space is likely to be a great concern of family and friends even if the loved one who hoards shows little or no concern.

Families who gather at the holidays may take the opportunity to develop a plan to address the adverse hoarding condition in which their loved one lives. The very first step should be reading Digging Out: Helping Your Loved One Manage Clutter, Hoarding & Compulsive Acquiring. This book will give you insight into the changes family members may need to make as well as provide a greater understanding of what your loved one is experiencing. This is more than a how-to book and contains numerous tips and checklists to find solutions through a harm-reduction approach.

How has your family or friendship circle worked together to help a loved one? We would like to hear from you!

Addressing Your Layers of Life

  The early morning or late afternoon walks along the Wabash Trace are wonderful for counting blessings, solving life opportunities (no problems, just opportunities), and soaking in the wonderful fall sensory pleasures.

There are so many layers within the wooded trail. Year after year the leaves fall, the branches and brambles break, an occasional tree becomes more horizontal than vertical. Layer upon layer of material piles up. What was once on top of the pile sinks to the middle, or even to the bottom of the material.

As I walk I think about the wide and varied interests of the fascinating people we have encountered. For some, one new hobby or interest falls on top of the other interests. Overwhelm sets in as there are not enough hours in the day or room in the workspace or home to accommodate all of the material. Things seem to pile up in the brain with the most recent interest falling to the top, obscuring what was important yesterday and the day before.

Come along on a walk with me, and we will talk about your opportunities for addressing your layers of life! We can also talk or email. Let's talk about those layers of life and how you can prepare for the important things ahead in your life!

Chronic Procrastinators Find Many Stop Signs

Procrastination is a challenge for many. Psychology Today says one in five people identify themselves as Chronic Procrastinators. Procrastination can be compared to a huge red stop sign that pops up every time there is a decision to be made or a task that needs to be accomplished.

While there are many reasons for procrastinating, or putting things off until later, here are a few reasons that might resonate with you.

• Lack of information. Janine delays getting a flu shot this year because she hasn't had time to research the most cost-effective place to get the immunization. Should she go to the drug store, her doctor's office or a new store that offers the flu shot? The months fly by. Janine never did get the flu shot. In this information-based world, we never will have all the information we need for every decision we need to make. There is simply not time!
• Inaccurate perception of time required for tasks.It's a fact that we tend to overestimate the time it takes to do the things we enjoy doing and underestimate the time to do the things we enjoy. Doug delays taking out the garbage because it will "take too long" but can spend "just a few more minutes on Facebook."
• Overwhelm. People who are chronically disorganized may find that it is difficult to find somewhere to start with big projects so they delay starting and finishing the task at hand.

If you want to make overcoming procrastination a priority, I recommend It's About Time: The 6 Styles of Procrastination and How to Overcome Them by Dr. Linda Sapadin. Learning more about how and why you procrastinate will help you become more productive and organized. 

Why Do People Consult Professional Organizers?

Too much clutter is the top reason professional organizers are hired, according to the 2009 NAPO Member Survey. Results of the national survey were just released by The Organizing Authority®--the National Association of Professional Organizers (NAPO). The top three reasons people ask for help from an organizer are:

1. Clutter (75%)
2. General disorganization (71%)
3. Help in making decisions about keeping or discarding (53%)

Companies and non-home offices most often consult an organizer  to implement systems to improve general employee productivity.

Reasons businesses most frequently hire organizers are:

1. Improve productivity (66%)
2. Maximize office space (58%)
3. Improve employee organizational skills (55%)

A professional organizer is often called in as a last approach rather than a part of a strategy for better living and higher productivity. Relationships may already be damaged, health and safety can be compromised, and a high degree of frustration could exist by the time an organizer is consulted. First-time clients are often surprised at the non-judgmental approach used by the professional organizer who adheres to a code of confidentiality and ethical, trained approaches. New clients are also amazed at the differences in their lives as they celebrate what they have learned working with a professional organizer.