Ellen Hankes

Separation Anxiety Can Lead to Separation Reality

 "I would like to take my child to visit my parents' home but it is impossible with all Mom's stuff."

"We would love to have holiday gatherings at Mom's house the way we used to, but there is not room."

These kinds of statements are frequently expressed by adult children of the chronically disorganized. Young adults often share with me their frustration about not being able to visit their parents with their children or significant others because of the clutter.

The chronically disorganized and those who have hoarding behaviors often have a high level of anxiety as others attempt to separate them from their belongings. The persistent anxiety can lead to real and prolonged separation within families and friendships. At a time when an individual most needs the support of family and friends, these loved ones often find the high level of clutter difficult, if not impossible, to tolerate.

While the family I grew up in did not experience separation because of organizational issues, I do receive calls from children of hoarders who are quite concerned about their parents' chronic disorganization. While the solutions are complex and take time, we continue to serve the families that want to make changes. By finding ways to reduce the anxiety of reducing household goods, we hope to help individuals reconnect with their loved ones.

Do you have a story on how separation anxiety has lead to separation reality? I would like to hear from you. 

Why Depression and Organizing Challenges Are Linked

 It is not unusual for a chronically disorganized individual to tell me that he or she is affected by major depression. Why might that occur?

Symptoms of depression can include indecisiveness and distractibility, according to MayoClinic.com. Since organizing requires making decisions about where things should go, whether to keep or recycle items and how to categorize material, indecisiveness is a roadblock in effective organization.

Staying on task and keeping with an organizing project can be very difficult, or impossible, for a person who is easily distracted. The fatigue that may go along with major depression is also a detriment to organizing. The depressed person may not be able to muster up the energy to get started organizing and may find the energy required to keep the momentum going on their own just too overwhelming!

While mental health professionals are the best source of mental health counseling and treatment, the individual who is affected by both depression and disorganization may well benefit from working with a professional organizer who has experience and training in working with the chronically disorganized.

Have you observed a link between depression and disorganization? I would like to hear from you.

Hoarding: Urban and Rural Considerations

 Compulsive hoarding knows no boundaries with gender, intellect or socio-economic level. What about city living when compared with rural residence? We had an interesting question about hoarding in rural areas at a a recent Elder Rights Symposium where I spoke on "Working with Clients Who Hoard."

Is there a difference between intercity hoarding and rural hoarding?

Hoarding behavior is characterized by the accumulation of a large amount of possessions, many of which appear to be of little value; non-functioning living spaces due to extreme clutter; and a significant amount of distress associated with the clutter. These characteristics are found in both urban and rural homes of hoarders.

Hoarders in rural areas have considerably less access to vital mental and physical health services, recycle material pick-up or collection points, as well as trained and qualified professional organizers. Urban areas generally have stricter codes and a higher density of neighbors who are impacted by those who hoard. There may be more outbuildings on rural property where the accumulation of clutter expands when a house can no longer accommodate it.

The process of helping a person with hoarding behaviors is very complex and involves far more than just "cleaning up." In a rural or urban area, planning and teamwork will be required to bring about effective change in a hoarding situation.

The Secret Lives of Objects

Why do we keep the things we hold onto? Rubber bands, high school graduation programs, rusty pliers, an odd plate? It is fascinating to explore why we keep certain things but don't care too much about other things. 

Keepsakes have special lives, and often sacred, secret lives. Sometimes these keepsakes are kept in boxes or in dark cupboards where they rarely, if ever, see the light of day. While at times the keepsakes may have monetary value, often the items are kept for sentimental reasons.

Artist Corrine Botz is teaming up with the National Study Group on Chronic Disorganization to create an art project titled "The Secret Lives of Objects."I am excited to be working with an individual who contributed some items she had kept for a long time. The brief story of the significance of the item in her life is touching, like good stories can be. You can read my client's story and a number of others at the Secret Lives of Objects website. New life is already springing from these once-cherished items.

We look forward to seeing the variety of objects as this project advances. It may be concert tickets, a pair of gloves, a plate, or something else that comes with a story. 

Have you, or someone else, looked at your belongings as art? I would like to hear from you.

The Other Side of Organized

One of the hallmark characteristics of chronic disorganization is the multiple, and yet unsuccessful, self-attempts to get organized. WIth my specialty of helping the chronically disorganized individual improve their quality of life through organization, I often find these clients have an extensive (and enviable) library of how-to-organize books. If you are chronically disorganized, or work or live with someone who is organizationally challenged, you will want to read The Other Side of Organized: Finding Balance Between Chaos and Perfection (Oh, so Publishing, 2009) by Linda  Samuels, CPO-CD©. It is a slim book of wisdomm presented in brief topics which lead the reader into a self-introspection of one's relationship to things.

While the animal-lover will enjoy the connection to the cartoons featuring the author's beloved black lab, Norton, the strength of Ms. Samuels' book is the underlying multiple reminders of the rewards of organization. When you read about perfect spring days, connecting with your loved ones, rejuvenation and self-care, you will better understand what Ms. Samuels refers to as the other side of being organized.

With acknowledgment that change comes only when people are ready to change, Samuels devotes an entire chapter to helping the reader understand the change process. The chapter on change will be valuable not only for the chronically disorganized but also for those who love them, work with them and live with them. Samuels sums up change in the following way:

When people are ready they change. Their initiative and desire must come from within. When the pain to stay the same becomes greater than the fear of the unknown, change occurs.

Included is the caveat that change is a forward as well as a backward process. You will read about the five phases of change which include Initial Rumblings, Identifying Possibilities, Reaching Out, Beyond Talking and Life Jolts. While these phases are described in the book, they can also be found in the free Readiness of Change Fact Sheet authored by Ms. Samuels and available from the National Study Group on Chronic Disorganization.

This book is a real gem for anyone who wants to live a fuller life. Linda Samuels and her pal Norton take us through the seasons of life that we all experience. While Ms. Samuels shares her personal stories in the Other Side of Organized, this book will help you shape your stories of life.

Grammar is a Key to Success

While grammar may not be your favorite subject, it could be your secret key to success. Of course, use of proper grammar while speaking and writing helps you become a more effective communicator.

Look at your TO DO list. Does each entry start with a verb? A verb is a part of speech that indicates action will take place. By the very act of starting an item on your TO DO list with a verb such as Pay, Write or Create, you are specific about your action plan. Add more information such as when you will do the task to help you plan.

Verbs are helpful when delegating tasks as well. It creates specificity and helps others to better understand what needs to be done. Tasks can be broken down into smaller parts using verbs as the initial words of the subtask. This is a recommendation we often give to individuals who are chronically disorganized as well as to students. However, it can work for anyone.

Use verbs on your TO DO list this week. Comment to this post on the results. I would like to hear from you!

Help Conquer CyberOverload

A new book by Your Mind on Media founder and self-described “recovering cyber-addict” Joanne Cantor, PhD, provides insightful and valuable strategies for living and working in today’s media rich world. Conquer CyberOverload: Get More Done, Boost Your Creativity, and Reduce Stress goes a step further than many books by describing in lay language how the brain, and thus our behavior, is affected by the constant barrage of media in our everyday lives. According to Census Bureau statistics, Americans consume 8.5 hours of media (television, internet, radio and more) each day outside of work.

Given the incredible drain on time that media causes, it is no wonder that multi-tasking is needed. Cantor devotes one whole chapter to convincingly explaining why multi-tasking is counter-productive. If we were handwriting a letter or document, we would never think of writing one word with a pencil, and the next word with a pen, continuing to alternate tools until the letter was finished. This is similar to what we ask the brain to do when we attempt to multi-task. The brain has to switch back and forth between the two tasks. Multi-tasking is inefficient, time-consuming and error-prone.

 
This easy-to-read book is full of convincing ways to deal with cyberoverload with sound life-balance principles. While each strategy is explained in easy-to-understand language, each chapter ends with a bulleted list of Practical Steps. With additional features such as quotes and statistics, glossary, index and resource list, the book appeals to various learning styles.

 
As a professional organizer specializing in chronic disorganization, I observe people in their work and home environments who are affected by the time constraints and stress of cyberoverload. In addition, some individuals have physical space issues related to electronic gadgetry. Outdated and unused computer hardware, obsolete software boxes and other unused media-related equipment and supplies takes up valuable space. We have become adept at learning to use the media of the moment, but the obsolete or seldom used media may be relegated to a growing clutter and disposal problem.

Are you affected by cyberoverload? I would like to hear from you.

Chronic Disorganization and Burying Bulbs

  I learned to appreciate that the concept of beauty as well as utility varies from person to person. A person with chronic disorganization or an individual with hoarding tendencies frequently has a unique appreciation of attributes of objects that others may find of of no value. While some of us are more limited in our imagination for uses of a snippet of foil, to the chronically disorganized person the same piece of foil can serve multiple yet-to-be identified purposes in the future.

As my computer has its daily syncing conversation with my Blackberry, I use the time to absorb some inspiration for the day ahead. Currently I am reading For This I Am Grateful: 400 Inspiring Thoughts Form All of Us. One of my favorite expressions of gratitude is the following from Arlene Hess:

(For this I am grateful:) All of those gardeners who bury ugly bulbs in the fall, full of faith that their reward in the spring will be magnificent tulips, daffodils, and hyacinths.

I frequently observe artistically gifted clients who experience chronic disorganization create areas of beauty amongst other chaos. I am grateful for their gifts of expressing beauty in their chosen ways. Together we will work on removing the limitations on their creative potential. As we organize space and time, we work together to identify practices that will be sustainable for the individual and their work or home environment.

Clutter and Depression

Which came first--clutter or depression? Clutter can lead to depression. A person who is depressed may be clutter-prone. 

Depression is the leading cause of disability with about 8% of the adult U.S. population having been diagnosed with depression. A person with a depressive disorder may exhibit a diminished ability to think, concentrate and make decisions. Add that to additional symptoms of fatigue and sluggishness and it is no wonder that chronic disorganization goes hand in hand with some people with diagnosed or undiagnosed depression.

When clutter becomes a issue for those who care about the clutter-prone individual, a common response is to get the clutterer to change his or her habits. That can lead to resistance and anger on the part of all involved. Here are some tips for family members who want to help the clutterer:

• Recognize that chronic disorganization is not a moral issue. A person who is clutter-prone is not a bad individual.S/he can be just as kind and caring as one who keeps a living or work area neat as a pin. People process information and use of space in different ways.
• Focus on good health habits such as rest, relaxation, exercise and a healthy diet. For a person with depression, healthy habits make the brain work better.
• Encourage appropriate support systems such as use of mental health professionals. Working with a qualified professional organizer can result in organization systems that match their unique learning and working styles.

How has depression impacted the chronic disorganization of your loved ones? I would like to hear your experiences!

Reuse: Reality or Ruse?

 People with chronic disorganization or hoarding behaviors often have a preference for reuse of items. Much time and space is dedicated to allocating volumes of material to piles, bins or bags for recycling or passing on to others. Recycling has become part of mainstream American behavior. According to the Paper Industry Association Council, over 57 percent of the paper used in the U.S. was recovered for recycling. Most Americans (87 percent) have curbside or drop-off access to paper recycling.

If you are chronically disorganized or have hoarding tendencies, you may find multiple uses for items. You can recycle materials such as paper, glass, metal and cardboard through community recycling programs. WIth the downturn in the economy some of these public recycling programs are not as profitable as they once were and are in danger of being reduced or eliminated.

Some people want to recycle materials but they become bogged down between the saving behavior and the releasing behavior. For example, Burt saves the two daily newspapers in his garage. Because he lives in the country and there is not curbside pickup, the boxes and bags of old newspapers pile up creating a fire and safety hazard. As the pile grows, it gets harder to muster up the energy for Burt to load up the damp and critter-infested paper. Eventually there is no room for Burt's truck in his garage. Still, Burt believes this material must be recycled. His preference in reuse does not translate into the practice of recycling.

For some who are affected by chronic disorganization there are simply too many steps in recycling. While Jeanette knows someone across town that can use her excess books, she never gets over there and is not sure if her contact still needs them. Jeanette doesn't remember to call the friend so the box sits there year after year. Jeanette truly believes she needs to pass along the books but she does not or cannot take the steps to put her reuse preference into action.

A professional organizer experiences in working with people who are chronically disorganized or have hoarding tendencies can help people like Burt or Jeanette to make the decisions that are consistent with their admirable preferences for reuse.

Do you practice reuse or do you stop at the preference for reuse? I would like to hear from you.