Ellen Hankes

Separation Anxiety Can Lead to Separation Reality

 "I would like to take my child to visit my parents' home but it is impossible with all Mom's stuff."

"We would love to have holiday gatherings at Mom's house the way we used to, but there is not room."

These kinds of statements are frequently expressed by adult children of the chronically disorganized. Young adults often share with me their frustration about not being able to visit their parents with their children or significant others because of the clutter.

The chronically disorganized and those who have hoarding behaviors often have a high level of anxiety as others attempt to separate them from their belongings. The persistent anxiety can lead to real and prolonged separation within families and friendships. At a time when an individual most needs the support of family and friends, these loved ones often find the high level of clutter difficult, if not impossible, to tolerate.

While the family I grew up in did not experience separation because of organizational issues, I do receive calls from children of hoarders who are quite concerned about their parents' chronic disorganization. While the solutions are complex and take time, we continue to serve the families that want to make changes. By finding ways to reduce the anxiety of reducing household goods, we hope to help individuals reconnect with their loved ones.

Do you have a story on how separation anxiety has lead to separation reality? I would like to hear from you. 

Why Depression and Organizing Challenges Are Linked

 It is not unusual for a chronically disorganized individual to tell me that he or she is affected by major depression. Why might that occur?

Symptoms of depression can include indecisiveness and distractibility, according to MayoClinic.com. Since organizing requires making decisions about where things should go, whether to keep or recycle items and how to categorize material, indecisiveness is a roadblock in effective organization.

Staying on task and keeping with an organizing project can be very difficult, or impossible, for a person who is easily distracted. The fatigue that may go along with major depression is also a detriment to organizing. The depressed person may not be able to muster up the energy to get started organizing and may find the energy required to keep the momentum going on their own just too overwhelming!

While mental health professionals are the best source of mental health counseling and treatment, the individual who is affected by both depression and disorganization may well benefit from working with a professional organizer who has experience and training in working with the chronically disorganized.

Have you observed a link between depression and disorganization? I would like to hear from you.

Organizing Cues from Mother Nature

The outdoors is a wonderful place to pick up organizing inspiration. During our walk along the Wabash Trace this weekend,weI found a bench to sit and talk. As I looked out upon the early morning view, I thought about the cues that Mother Nature gives us about organizing our living spaces.

Leave room for change. Over time our interests change. If we fill our space with so much of the past, there is no room for the future.

Accept stewardship. Having more than we can take care of in a responsible manner means we have not accepted stewardship of those things.

Simple is good. Simple lives have fewer parts and pieces. Without the complexity and multiplicity of thing overload, peace and serenity can emerge and shine.

What are some of the organizing messages that Mother Nature presents to you? I would like to hear your thoughts.

Hoarding: Urban and Rural Considerations

 Compulsive hoarding knows no boundaries with gender, intellect or socio-economic level. What about city living when compared with rural residence? We had an interesting question about hoarding in rural areas at a a recent Elder Rights Symposium where I spoke on "Working with Clients Who Hoard."

Is there a difference between intercity hoarding and rural hoarding?

Hoarding behavior is characterized by the accumulation of a large amount of possessions, many of which appear to be of little value; non-functioning living spaces due to extreme clutter; and a significant amount of distress associated with the clutter. These characteristics are found in both urban and rural homes of hoarders.

Hoarders in rural areas have considerably less access to vital mental and physical health services, recycle material pick-up or collection points, as well as trained and qualified professional organizers. Urban areas generally have stricter codes and a higher density of neighbors who are impacted by those who hoard. There may be more outbuildings on rural property where the accumulation of clutter expands when a house can no longer accommodate it.

The process of helping a person with hoarding behaviors is very complex and involves far more than just "cleaning up." In a rural or urban area, planning and teamwork will be required to bring about effective change in a hoarding situation.

The Secret Lives of Objects

Why do we keep the things we hold onto? Rubber bands, high school graduation programs, rusty pliers, an odd plate? It is fascinating to explore why we keep certain things but don't care too much about other things. 

Keepsakes have special lives, and often sacred, secret lives. Sometimes these keepsakes are kept in boxes or in dark cupboards where they rarely, if ever, see the light of day. While at times the keepsakes may have monetary value, often the items are kept for sentimental reasons.

Artist Corrine Botz is teaming up with the National Study Group on Chronic Disorganization to create an art project titled "The Secret Lives of Objects."I am excited to be working with an individual who contributed some items she had kept for a long time. The brief story of the significance of the item in her life is touching, like good stories can be. You can read my client's story and a number of others at the Secret Lives of Objects website. New life is already springing from these once-cherished items.

We look forward to seeing the variety of objects as this project advances. It may be concert tickets, a pair of gloves, a plate, or something else that comes with a story. 

Have you, or someone else, looked at your belongings as art? I would like to hear from you.

Clutter and Depression

Which came first--clutter or depression? Clutter can lead to depression. A person who is depressed may be clutter-prone. 

Depression is the leading cause of disability with about 8% of the adult U.S. population having been diagnosed with depression. A person with a depressive disorder may exhibit a diminished ability to think, concentrate and make decisions. Add that to additional symptoms of fatigue and sluggishness and it is no wonder that chronic disorganization goes hand in hand with some people with diagnosed or undiagnosed depression.

When clutter becomes a issue for those who care about the clutter-prone individual, a common response is to get the clutterer to change his or her habits. That can lead to resistance and anger on the part of all involved. Here are some tips for family members who want to help the clutterer:

• Recognize that chronic disorganization is not a moral issue. A person who is clutter-prone is not a bad individual.S/he can be just as kind and caring as one who keeps a living or work area neat as a pin. People process information and use of space in different ways.
• Focus on good health habits such as rest, relaxation, exercise and a healthy diet. For a person with depression, healthy habits make the brain work better.
• Encourage appropriate support systems such as use of mental health professionals. Working with a qualified professional organizer can result in organization systems that match their unique learning and working styles.

How has depression impacted the chronic disorganization of your loved ones? I would like to hear your experiences!

Gifts: Transfer of Ownership

 'Tis the season of generous gifts! The presents are carefully chosen with an eye on the constraints of the budget. We focus on choosing the perfect gift for a special relative, friend or colleague.

Whoa, hold the reindeer. Let's consider some fine points of receiving gifts.

A gift is a gift. There is a transfer of ownership. The gift is presented to another person who becomes the owner of that item. As I work with chronically disorganized individuals who are seeking to de-clutter and organize their living or work spaces, gifts can be items of conflict for them. The conversation often goes, "I would like to donate this to charity, but it was a gift from Aunt Char. It is not my color (size, style or ...) and I cannot use it."

With a gift comes a sentiment of affection or respect. While the physical gift stays with the recipient or moves on to another life, the sentiment can be remembered and appreciated. A true gift is far more than just a thing. A true gift is accompanied by good will. Of course it is important to consider a gift giver's feelings when accepting gifts and putting them to use. It is a fine line to walk, but remember that gift giving involves a transfer of ownership. Focus on relationships and not the things.

Merry Christmas. May you enjoy the gifts of love and friendship wherever you go during the New Year.

 

Holiday Discussions Turn to Loved One Who Hoards

The holiday meal is enjoyed by several generations from tots to teenagers to seniors. Relatives have a chance to visit and catch up on family news. For some families it is a gathering to share ideas on how to help family members who are hoarders.

It is estimated in the United States that there are as many as three million hoarders. These individuals may look, talk, work and appear like any other person. They also may be individuals who have isolated themselves socially and are at great risk from a health and safety standpoint. Extreme clutter in the living space is likely to be a great concern of family and friends even if the loved one who hoards shows little or no concern.

Families who gather at the holidays may take the opportunity to develop a plan to address the adverse hoarding condition in which their loved one lives. The very first step should be reading Digging Out: Helping Your Loved One Manage Clutter, Hoarding & Compulsive Acquiring. This book will give you insight into the changes family members may need to make as well as provide a greater understanding of what your loved one is experiencing. This is more than a how-to book and contains numerous tips and checklists to find solutions through a harm-reduction approach.

How has your family or friendship circle worked together to help a loved one? We would like to hear from you!

Prevent In-Home Falls with Organization

An octogenarian family member is very good at watching where she walks. Concerned with taking a tumble, she uses handrails and a helping arm as a precautionary measure.

One of every three people 65 years old and older will fall during the next year. The fact that falls among the elderly can limit independent living is a concern to many.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention gives some ideas for preventing in-home falls. One of these is to reduce in-home hazards that can cause falls. Some areas that we see with our professional organizing clients that present a trip-and-fall hazard include the following:

• Piles of papers or objects on the floor
• Narrow passageways with clutter on both sides of the aisle
• Nonworking appliances
• Loose or worn rugs
• Electrical cords
• Inadequate lighting
• Clutter
• Crowded garages, basements or attics

Take a good look around your living space as well as that of someone you care about. Are there some changes that can be made to prevent a fall? If you need help or ideas from a professional organizer, consider that option as well.

Quilter's Fabric Stash Solutions

While I haven't earned the title of Quilter, I do admire the creative, historic and artistic value of quilts and quilt making. As we toured the International Quilt Study Museum yesterday I thought about how many active or wanna-be quilters have large quantities of fabrics. These fabric stashes are neatly arranged in closets or tote boxes, stuffed in inaccessible places, or hidden under beds.

When it is time to have some fun with that fabric, here are a couple of ideas to help others and share your love of fabric.

Project Linus. Sew a child's blanket or small quilt and donate it to ill or traumatized children through Project Linus. If there is not a chapter in your area, organize one.

Conker Cancer. Imagine walking into a hospital room with a brightly colored pillowcase. Take a few minutes to sew pillowcases out of your cotton fabrics. No time to sew? You can provide fabric for others to sew the pillowcases. Your efforts will bring smiles to hospitalized children and their families. You will find the specifications and directions at the Conker Cancer website.

How is your fabric stash serving you or others?